Cadburys Screme Egg

Cadburys don't miss i trick do they!

The traditional Creme egg normally only available in the run up to Easter has been given the once over for Halloween turning the yolk green!!

Green instead of yellow yolk

I have enough trouble keeping Mrs.belfasttaxi away from normal eggs what friggin hope do i have with these!!

Are you busy tonight?

Are you busy tonight?

Does anyone really think i am going to answer this question honestly?

  I don't like lies but sometimes you have to tell a wee porky or two.

You see when people ask "are you busy tonight?" what i hear is "are you worth robbing tonight".

Yes i know its bloody paranoid but sometimes it pays to be paranoid!

You being working long tonight?

The answer to this one is a little like the first question,  i am going to be conservative with the truth not because i am trying to hide how many hours i work (too many).

But if someone knows i am at the end of a 12 -13 hour shift not just a few hours into a shift its only common sense i  will be carrying more money.

People knowing that i have largish sums of cash on me makes me nervous.

Do you ever get punters offering sex instead of money? come on your bound too.

I laugh my ass off at this one.

In my 7-8 years of driving a cab i have never been offered sex instead of payment (maybe its because im kinda chubby).

That said i am kind of pleased i haven't, could you imagine the poor girls face when you tell her that as nice as her offer was you would rather take the cash prize instead?

Yes driving a cab from time to time you get asked if you want to come in as there having a party or something similar but your there to work, to make cash not spend it!

Sure You taxi drivers love the rain!

There is this stupid idea that Taxi drivers like it when it rains, we don't driving about in the pouring rain all night is bloody miserable.  

I know a lot of people think we are busier when it rains, true sometimes we are but just as often it kills all trade dead.

If its lashing out of the heavens most folk just stay in.

The only time rain benefits the driver is the odd Saturday night just after kicking out time when due to the rain people really want to get home instead of hanging about the chippy or pizza shops.

Sure you fellas are loaded!

I am not sure i should dignify that one with an answer!

If i was half as well off as some folks seem to think i am i wouldn't work 12 hour shifts 5-6 days a week.

I work the hours i do because i have to, if i could make the same money working half the time i would.

Wouldn't you?

o.

Sad taxi drivers joke of the week no4

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before!

I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!

You've got to take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down!

You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? 

WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. 

Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said

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"Oh, Mama ... he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

Mobility scooters

Mobility scooters

I am beginning to think there should be a driving test for these things!

I know they are a great help to the ill and the elderly and hey we are all for that.

but surely some one has to check they have a bit of road sense or even a little common sense before letting them loose.

Over the years i have seen folks do some friggin dumb things on these contraptions

Ranging from driving up the Lisburn Rd against the flow of traffic at rush hour holding everyone up.

(which like a child i found funny because i wasn't one of them)

To the granny in Tesco's who was nearly pulling handbrake turns in hers!

(while mowing down small children)

That said the guy in the clip below takes the biscuit.

I wouldnt call it football

 

Well not much to report at the minute i was planing to work last night but was side tracked!

My dad offered to take me to the pub to watch the football.

 

I don't drink but hey if there's footy on what can i say!.

I was sure there was no match on, but no i was wrong he was absolutely sure there was a match on sky!

It turned out i was right

kinda

 Glentoran where playing Linfield!!

Irish league football, Sake its like watching kids play football in the park only not as skillful.

It was an awful game and to be honest i don't think more than 4 maybe 5 people in the entire pub even bothered to watch.

Next time i get to choose the match.

With any luck it will involve Arsenal.

Up the Gooners

BTD

Squeaky bum time

I have no idea where nearest garage and the fuel gauge says i only have 5 miles left.

How did i end up like this?

Why was i stupid enough to take a run into the backside of nowhere without checking i had enough fuel?

Well first things first it wasn't my fault it was my customers fault, the customer may always be right but that doesn't mean its not there bloody fault.

It was about 3am when i was given the fare which was heading to Ballynahinch, a nice little run so i was well chuffed.

I knew i was a little light on fuel so flicked the car display over to see what fuel i had left in the tank.

45 miles it read.

Ballynahinch is only about 14 miles so I though I was sorted.

I pick up four people and scoot out towards ballynahinch it was a fairly uneventful journey so i wont bore you with details.

The main topic of conversation was horsies!

I know nothing of horsies so I kept quiet,  I did managed not to shout there called horses stop talking like your 4 years old.
Sake

Anyhoo we arrive in B,nahinch and I'm all ready to take there lovely money when only two punters get out!

Now i can be a wee bit slow sometimes but i am bloody sure i checked they where only going to B,nahinch

Apparently not!

Dromore please diver.

Shit that's another 15 miles away!

Ok clam down you have 30 miles left we can get to Dromore and find a garage not a problem.

15 miles later we are rolling through Dromore, my fuel read out how ever has dropped to 10 miles i can only guess that driving on windy back roads uses more fuel than nice civilised duel carriageways.

I ask my punters to keep me right to where they are going, while my grandparents where from dromore my knowledge of dromore ends at "i know where it is!"

So we are heading back out the other side of town in to the country, on roads that make the road from B,nahinch look like a new motorway.

It was kinda like a rollercoaster full of sudden dips, sharp hidden turns and screaming passengers.

After what seems like ages we arrive at their front gate which as it turns out is about a mile from their house up a very potholed path.

My victims sorry punters finally get out and God bless em they tip well.

I am not in the back of beyond with 5 miles of fuel in the tank and i have no idea where the nearest bloody garage is.

Magic.

My first instinct was to head back to Dromore i knew  there is a petrol station there even though i'm kinda sure it's shut at 4am.

I was right.

The only garage i know for sure will be open is Sainsbury's at Sprucefield.

I got to make a run for it.

Now theres a few things you need to know.

1. running out of fuel for a cabby is embarrassing and shouldn't happen, sure i could probably summon help but i would be hearing about it for months.

2. I drive a diesel motor if i do run out of fuel  i just cant pop in some more fuel oh no its not that easy, i would have to get towed to a garage so as they can bleed fuel back in to the engine.

Which would cost a bomb!

So with 10 miles to the nearest source of fuel and bugger all in the tank but fumes it begins.

Squeaky bum time.

I am desperately trying to think of way i can save precious fuel so i can eek out every last centimetre of distance so of goes the radio and the air conditioning.

I soon regret turning the radio off not because of the silence, no because now i am managing to convince myself that i can hear funny noises from the engine.

I have even resorted to driving at 56 miles per hour because that the most economical speed to drive at.
(part of me is a bit worried i know that)

9.5 of the slowest most nerve wrecking miles of my life later and my salvation comes into site over the crest of a hill.

I am within the last 100 yards as my poor wee starving motor coughs for the first time.

Thankfully i could coast the last few yards.

I was happier than a fat kid in a sweetie shop never mind slightly relieved.


After putting in a tenners fuel in the fuel light was still on but it was enough to get me home.

So if you want a rush for get roller coasters and bungee jumping and just try getting to the garage when you low on fuel!!


BTD

Cultural Dinosaur

This isn't the actual T-Rex but its identical to the one i seen.

Last night Belfast held a culture night in the cathedral quarter of the city.

I knew nothing about this some how it completely avoided my radar.

So you can imagine my reaction when a baby T-Rex Suddenly appeared at my cab window as i dropped off in Waring St.

I just about managed not to swear in front of my punters.

That said it is a very impressive outfit, although i pity the poor fella who had to walk around in it he must have been boiled alive.

BTD

93 Sleeps to go...

There are just 93 sleeps to go.

Or for those of us who work nights that 93 work days left to earn some mulla.

Thats right 93 days or 13 weeks to

CHRISTMAS.

Yay.

No im not trying to depress you even if i am managing too.

For me the long run up to the dreaded day starts now, it has to because most of my family have there birthday's between now and Christmas and the ungrateful gits probably want presents for both!!

So i gotta get my head down and work as much as possible (joy).

As a result for the next few months i wont be posting quit so often although i will

manage a few times a week.

Maybe she who must be obeyed will post a bit more in my absence!

Anyhoo better go i gotta clean the cab before work tonight!

BTD

Sad taxi drivers joke of the week No3

I customer told me this one a while back so its his fault not mine ok.

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Victoria Square shopping centre. 

This store sells husbands, yes that's right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes... a nifty setup - with a catch.

As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes.
 
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?"

And up she goes again.
 
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!"

And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"

So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
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Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

BTD

oops...

Try explaining that to the insurance company

Veda..... Keep it whole

 

Why slice Veda?

This was Professor Billy McWilliams reply to my last post.

The Veda loaf is a Northern irelnad staple.

A delicious unsullied malted loaf that until recently could only be bought the way god intended.

UNSLICED

that was until the evil people at Irwins bakery did the unthinkable.

I would urge you all to read billys post and join the Save Veda facebook page.

Keep our Veda Whole.

 

BTD

Unanswerable questions....

Ask Jeeves has compiled what it called a top 10 of unanswerable questions.

Its all the usual gumpf like

 What is the meaning of life?

 Is there a God?

 Do blondes have more fun?

 What is the best diet?

Well i was bored so here's my 20 unanswerable questions!

1.If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
 

2.Are you telling the truth when you lie in bed?
 

3.If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
 

4.why is it called a 'building' when it is already built?
 

5.Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
 

6.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
 

7.What's the speed of dark?
 

8.Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
 

9.Should crematoriums give discounts for those who died in fires?
 

10.Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
 

11.Do witches use spell checkers?
 

12.Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 

13.If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
 

14.Is this the way to amarillo?
 

15.Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
 

16.If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
 

17.Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
 

18.Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
 

19.Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
 

20.What does OK actually mean?

One point for each ok!

BTD

Daniel Sloss - Genius

Those of you unlucky enough to read this blog regularly will have noticed i post videos of stand up comedians from time to time.

Mostly when i cant think what to write, but sometimes it just because i think there funny and you can never have enough laughs.

Seen this fella on the BBC's comedy roadshow taped for me on Saturday night.

He is only 19 and funny as hell.

Btd

I know your boss you know!!!!

I suppose you get them in every walk of life, self centred twats who like to show off and try and intimidate you!

I picked this particular twat up a few years back but the memory of him sticks in my head because he was drunk and the first words out of his pie hole where.

I know your boss you know!!

My first thought was "so what so does half of Belfast" although i didn't say that out loud.

On the datahead it said he was going to Hannastown just outside west Belfast so of we headed.

Twat boy continued telling that he knew my boss and how close they where to which i faked interest.

( even twats can tip sometimes)

We where just passing Belfast cemetery on the Falls rd when he started to get his nasty head on.

I think he was annoyed at my lack of response to the "i know your boss" line,

"Oi fatty  slow down a bit" 

Good lord i am only doing 30mph! i thought.

But looking back i missed the important bit of that statement.

Yup for what ever reason the Oi fatty bit didn't register at the time.

As we headed on out towards Hannastown the insults got worse and like a fool i sat there and took em.

"You stupid fat ugly good for nothing smelly cunt i should fuckin bitch slap you." said Twat boy for no reason what so ever.

I finally broke nobody talks to me like that,

I'm no hard man by any kind of imagination but I'm fucked if he was getting away with that.

I slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road.

Who the fuck do you think your talkin to fella? I snarled while trying to look tough

You could actually see the bravado leave him.

He decided his best defence was the "I know your boss" line i let go earlier.

God love him he close to panic when i said "So what"

The he went for broke and i must admit if he hadn't i probably finished the journey and took him the rest of the way despite having arguing with him.

"I will get you bloody sacked fat boy"

"How you gonna do that then, I am self employed dickhead, sure I rent a radio from the depot but they don't employ me!"

At this point I made it clear if he didn't get out of the cab I would be all too happy to help him out.

Over the next few days I expected to hear for the lord high mighty who owned the depot, I didn't.

A few weeks after the incident I happen to bump into the boss and decided to ask if he knew the twat.

How come I wasn't surprised when his answer was " Who?"

btd

Saturday night.....

Last night was probably the first decently busy night we have had in a while.

I was kept busy right through until about 7.30am and by the time i got home and managed to pry myself from behind the wheel i was stiff as a board.

I also had a lot of folks from over sea's in the cab last night.

I had the usual Australians, New Zealanders ,Polish and Latvians.

 But i also had Americans, Canadians (who where annoyed that people thought they where Americans), a couple of Swiss and my first Chilean!

The Chilean guy was touring Ireland and was in Belfast for the weekend, he had just finished six weeks in Norway!

I picked him up at a fairly swank hotel so i doubt he was doing it on the cheap!

He was also the first person to ask if i accepted credit cards!

I know that in london and other major capitals some cab do take credit cards and wonder if setting up a credit card system would be worth while.
there are companies that would allow me to take credit card payments via my mobile using an app.

Would anyone use this even if it meant a 10% surcharge on the fair?

btd

Free munchies for all...................

Ok so you wont get a whole steak but u might get a bit

The Taste Northern Ireland Garden Party, which is jointly organised by Belfast City Council and Tesco, takes place in Botanic Gardens over the weekend of Saturday 18 and Sunday 19 September.

Nibble on food samples, see some of Belfast`s leading chefs cooking up a storm, enjoy activities in the Kid's Zone, and soak up live music and entertainment - all for free!

The event will showcase Northern Ireland's best loved food and drinks companies who are local suppliers to Tesco.

 

btd

Sad taxi drivers joke off the week - No2

There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. 

 

The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!"

 

The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet.

 

The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in.

 

Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again."

 

So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in.

 

 Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in."

 

The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below.

 

He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man

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" Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."

 

btd

There back......................

Students eh

 There back!

The students are back and god do i remember how much i hate freshers.

They must have sneaked back when I wasn't looking because all of a sudden every damn job i  got was going to Rain.

I suppose i had better be more specific I don't hate all students in fact i quite like them as a whole.

but there is a section of them where I really could make a case for ethnic cleansing.

Ok now I have greased me hair into a side shade and popped on my false moustache.

The students that annoy me share several traits which i shall list.

1. First of they are always freshers just away from mummy and daddy for the first time and cant control themselves like proper adults!

2. They are always culchies and by culchies i don't mean anyone who lives outside Belfast, I mean these kids are from the ass hole of know where. 

Places you couldn't find on a map because it consists of a crossroads, a few houses (normally where his cousins live) and a shop run by their aunt.

Jimmy Cricket called it Ballygobackwards.

3. They move in packs

4. They drink way way too much thinking it make em cool.

5. Most off them speak a strange language which sounds like  a strange mixture of 1950 -1960 slang and mispronounced words.

eg. Car becomes a "key yar" and they call a burger a "bugger".

7. I just don't like em so there.

Oh well i sure i will cope if i can just resist the urge to run them over. 

btd

Heavy Metal Farmer

Was sent this on facebook its magic what more could you want a farmer singing death metal about farming!!

Love it.

Btd

Best fight ever.....

Sometimes went i pick up visitors to Belfast they ask me questions.

They ask things like where are the best night clubs, which restaurants are worth a visit they even ask recommendations for things to do the next day.

Sometimes the visitors are a bit nervous about going out in Belfast due to things they heard on the news years ago or people they know filling there heads with wee sweetie mice.

Not to long ago a couple of Scots where unlucky enough to get me as there driver, after asking all the normal touristy questions one of them asked how common fights where at kicking out time in the city centre.

Apparently it can be a bit of a problem in parts of Glasgow!

Now i have to be honest i work Belfast city centre 5 nights a week and while the crowds leaving the pubs at closing time are pretty noisy it not that common for me to see any serious argie bargie.

Now i am not saying it doesn't happen just that I for what ever reason I tend not to see it and to be fair i really don't think outside of a few weeks in July people trying to beat the crap out of each other in the streets is much of a problem.

 Even then it tends to be outside the city centre.

Anyhoo the best fight i ever seen in the centre of town.

You will need to use you imagination for this one I tried to film it at the time on  my phone but the quality was crap and you couldn't see any thing.

Imagine if you will two ladies ( i use the word ladies v v loosely here) about 20st - 25st (imagine sumo) brawling outside a bar lets call it slitherpoons!

Both these women where wearing boob tubes (always classy) which wouldn't stay up so both of them where having to use one of there hands to hold it up.

In there other hand each carried a chip well it might have been a burger it was hard to focus while laughing so hard.

On top of this they where of course wearing high heels.

The net result was they looked like two drunken ducks trying to knock the other one over by hitting her with their elbows.

Though to be honest it was more a case  who would fall over first,  It was that comical even the cops stood and watched.

So do i think Belfast dangerous at night?

Na not really!

BTD

Writing like a five year old.......... more so than normal!

I have a couple of thing to report to you guys but for the love of all that's good every time i try to write em down they sound like they where written by a five year old.

So i gave up and will post them some other time when my brain will go into gear!!

So why not sit back and relax with five minutes of Steve Hughes.

This one is a bit blue but funny all the same!

BTD

Meat dress...

How desperate would you have to be for attention to walk about covered in meat?

Still it must be nice for Cher not to be the  worst dressed person in the room.

Cher might be mutton but did gaga really have to dress in lamb?

Look at me I'm eccentric

 Twat

Mrs.belfasttaxi

Beware the Dragons............................

I wonder is it just me?

Is there something special about me that attracts them?

Nutters, loonies and crazy folks!!

Belfast like any major city has its fair share of crazy folks they are normally fairly easy to spot. 

A few years back there was The Punk - an old fella who danders about holding an imaginary boom box on his shoulder head banging away to the music.

High chief chunka beef - went round dressed as an American Indian complete with cardboard head dress.

The shiek - was a decent fella except that he pranced round town in full all black Arab dress.

last and not least there was

End of the world lady -  a poor old dear who for what ever reason felt the need to staple newspaper clippings about how the world was about to explode to her clothes.

Now i ain't trying to make fun of these poor critters they where all very ill i am sure, but what i am trying to say is you could spot them a mile away.

Now the nutters are shall we say more subtle!

Take the fella i picked up last week for example.

It was early on in my shift about 8pm and i was parked up at the side of the Ormeau road when a well dressed bloke rapped the window asking if i could take him to the Cathedral quarter.

I wasn't doing anything, he didn't look like an axe murderer so i told him to jump in.

Most of the way down we chatted about the usual stuff like football, music, life in general you know the kinda gumpf.

It was when we started talking about work i got a bit worried.

Like most punters who get in the cab this dude asked have you being on long?, is it busy tonight? and like most cabby's i lied so he would think i wasn't worth robbing!

Then i made the mistake of asking was he working in the morning?

"Na mate i heading into work now ain't i."he replied

"Where do you work" i asked hoping to get a street to head for

His reply will go with me to my grave because I don't doubt for a minute that he was serious you could tell.

I work down Corporation sq just behind the Seacat, I'm a Dragon slayer!!

Magic i had a nut on board, I know should have left it at that but I couldn't resist asking if Belfast had much of a problem with dragons?

Apparently we do especially at this time of the year!!

I didn't ask any more but made my excuses for dropping him at the top of Tomb street saying I couldn't risk taking the cab round to corporation sq it what he said was true.

I expected him to do me on the fare but when we arrived he payed up wished me luck and off he went!

BTD

Little Bitch....

I picked her up on Friday night i knew she was keen on me by the way she nibbled my earlobes!!

Licked my face and tried to eat my trainers!!

This is Ruby our new family dog i gave in after weeks of Mrs.belfasttaxi and Jr following me about constantly whining please in my ear.

She's a little bitch only 6 weeks old, we would have liked to have left here a little longer with her mum but she had so many litter mate her mum just couldn't cope!

My bone

Looking like she was taken out by a sniper!!

BTD

9/11

I find it hard to believe that its nine years since the attacks on the world trade centre.

I know its a cliches to say you remember exactly where you where when it happen but its sadly true, not only do i remember where i was.

i remember everything about that day we witnessed what happened in a friends house we had just called in on our way home from picking up some shopping.

The first plane had already hit when we arrived and to be honest for the first few minutes after we arrived i wasnt quite sure that what was happening was real.

In Northern Ireland folks of my generation where fairly hardened to bombs and such like but my stomach dropped to the floor when the second plane hit.

We watched in horror as some of the poor people trapped in the upper floors jumped to the deaths.

There is on way to describe when the towers collapsed and i would make such a poor job i wont even attempt too.

The estimated death tolls given at the time where in the tens of thousands.

It was a blessing that as massive as the final toll of the poor souls who perished that day was at  2,977 it was not as bad as it could have been.

All we can do now nine year later is to remember those who lost there lived that day and pray for there familys who have been left behind.

Sad taxi drivers joke off the week - No1

My apologies in advance for this one!!

There's an old Cantina in rural mexico

the doors swing open and in walks a stranger

There is only one other customer in the cantina sitting at the back alone at a table covered in empty glasses.

The stranger asks him "Hey do you know Pedro?"

The table crashed to the ground sending the glasses flying as the customer stands up suddenly.

Do i know Pedro!

DO I KNOW PEDRO!!

I will tell you about Pedro,the other day i was riding my ass when Pedro jumped out in front of me and put a pistol in my face.

"Get off you ass" he said.

So i did because he had the pistol.

He said "see the dung from you ass, you pick up a  the dung"

So i did because he had the pistol

"Now you eat the dung"  he commanded

and i did because he had the pistol.

Pedro he finds this so funny that he fall laughing on the ground dropping his pistol!!

So quick a flash i grabbed his pistol.

Pedro he stopped laughing now.

I point the pistol at Pedro and say

"you see the dung"

He nods because i have the pistol.

"You pick up the dung" i say

and he does because i have the pistol.

I tell him to "eat the dung"

he does because i have the pistol.

And you stand there and ask me if i know Pedro

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We have lunch together!!!!

Sorry guys

BTD

Belfast Chillifest inc Hayseed Dixie

Hayseed Dixie to headline - onstage 2.30pm, Sunday

Prizes for best hotter-than-hell fancy dress – hillbilly, hobo, pin-up etc.

ChilliFest highlights include:

Hot chilli pepper eating competitions
Reverend Deadeye's No Man Gospel Band
Strictly Come Barn Dancing Beard grooming
Helium karaoke Cupcake Corner Chilli Market
Black Market Cajun Café Record fair
Vintage Rocks hairstyling Vintage clothing
Tattoo & body painting by Alternative Ink
No Alibis book tent with gigs n’ readings
Seaside photoboard Rock n’ Roll cookery demos
plus courtyard seating, outdoor bar & hot food stalls

Your hostess for this fiery fest is the flamme fatale, Miss LuciFire !

Live Music:

• Hayseed Dixie (Sunday afternoon only) – personal friends of the festival, the Hillbilly hellraisers who hail from from Deer Lick Holler, Tennessee, headline this year’s ChilliFest. Will Barley Scotch enter the hot chilli pepper eating competition - has he the cajones?
We’ll see...

• Pokey LaFarge & the South City Three – “Lawd knows we need people like Pokey LaFarge. Coming on like a bastard son of Woody Guthrie and Blind Blake, this is the kind of stuff Ry Cooder’s been trying to do for decades: "no-holds-barred, honest-to-goodness sheet-kicking music of the highest order" Uncut

• Water Tower Bucket Boys – Portland, Oregon four piece old time/bluegrass fusion – with balls. These guys rawk!

• Morgan O’Kane & Ferd 4 – these intensely talented banjo and fiddle Scum-billy critters from Charlottesville/Brooklyn are no strangers to the festival. These dudes are the real deal – and Morgan has an excellent brand new CD.

I may not make it along to chillifest because i will be recovering from working Saturday night but i live in hope!

BTD

That will teach me..............Exploding leg syndrome

Well that's the last time i will joke about needing a doctor.

I had to finish work early last night when my dumb leg swelled up so much it EXPLODED

 

Oh ok it didnt but the swelling split the scar tissue on my shin.

This was probably my fault for not moisturizing it enough.

It wasn't that bad, it just leaked quite a bit of slightly yellow fluid although and there was a some blood.

So i ended up quitting for the night to go home and clean it up and dress the cut properly!

With any luck i will get the swelling down enough to work tonight because sitting about the house is sending me round the bend.

I keep getting the urge to watch Jeremy kyle!!

Never a good sign.

Still i get to play with googles new instant search engine which is cool but kinda creepy.

And last but not least my quote of the week.

In Northern Ireland, where “sex” is the hour before seven.

 

BTD