Friday, March 04, 2011

How to make a woman happy!........ Points Guide

In the world of relationships, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way it is.

Here's a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0) 

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets(-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
She sends you out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her father (-20)

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
 Tiffany is a model (-6)

Tiffany has implants (-8)

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not Pizza Hut (+1)
Okay, it is a Pizza Hut (-20)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-30)
It's a Pizza Hut, it's all-you-can-eat night, and you take a drink so she has to drive you home (-100)

A Night Out with The Boys

Go out with a mate (-5)
And the mate is happily married (-4)
Or single (-7)
And he drives a porsche (-10)
With a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-15)

A Night Out

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called DeathCop3 (-3)
 Which features cyborgs having sex (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" (-800)

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?"

You tell the truth (-5)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "No?" while trying not to laugh (-35)


When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)


  1. I won't lie to you, Cabby, some women are too high maintainance even for me. I draw the line now at phone chats (about nothing in particular) exceeding two hours - I just can't do it anymore. I used to sympathise a lot with females (females love tea and sympathy more than love or money) but now I just say, DO WHAT YOU THINK. No more advice!!!

    I also have got caller ID - something I resisted for years because I liked my plain old phone - now I've got this cordless thing with lots of extras on it - though I can't work out how to use any of them except caller ID.

    I hate football and cars but apart from these manly obsesisons I think most men are quite right not to talk about their feelings all day every day... Enough already about feelings, especially about faithless exes etc. If a girl dates a flake it's her choice???

    PS. My man is forbidden to do housework. That's my territory and I enjoy it.

  2. I hate giving advise, sometimes I wonder why people think that some random fat bloke who can just about drive a car is a good person to ask for relationship advice!

    You enjoy housework? thats just not normal Sharon

  3. I like nothing better than listening to Radio 4 and cleaning my kitchen with Pledge wipes. I also enjoy pruning shrubs in the garden. Some days I can't be bothered, naturally, but they are rare.


Talk to the cabby??

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