Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

Needless act of kindness...

by iulian nistea
Thought it was about time i blogged something a bit more positive so here we go.

Last winter i was just getting back to work properly after the being of ill for several months with my leg.

Just as i was turning  in to Upper Arthur st i heard an all mighty pop, i had gotten myself a puncture.
As i had punters on board i drove the last 50 yards to there destination the Garrick bar and dropped them off and got my money.

I pulled my fat carcase gimpy leg and all out of the car to make a start on changing the offending tyre.

It was lashing down with rain i was still struggling with my injured not having full mobility in my leg and my uniform doesn't exactly allow free movement so this was going to be fun!!

Well truth be told i managed to get the cab up on the jack and remove the tyre fairly easyly but putting on the replacement was something quite different.

Twenty minutes later i still could not get the new tyre on.

The trouble was that the tyre was very heavy and i was having to hold it on the rim with one hand while putting the bolts back in place with the other all while sitting on the pavement.

I just could not do it!!

Countless other taxi cabs drove passed and never though to help a poor fat lad!
I was ready for throwing a complete wobbly.

When out of the night a hero came, well out of the back of the Garrick bar.

A member of there staff a young chap i guess about 21 or so had been on a smoke break and had seen me having trouble,went and asked his bosses if they would mind him giving me a hand for a couple of minutes.

Thankfully with two of us we managed to complete the repair quickly but truth be told he did the bulk of the work.

How many of us would gave a second thought never mind  standing in the rain to help a useless sweating fat man change a tyre.

This young lad helped me for no other reason than he could.

He managed to restore a little faith in humanity in me.

I never got the chance to thank him properly because as soon as he finished he said goodbye and ran back to his work in the bar.

Just goes to show there are good people out there!

So fella if you ever read this you where a bloody hero, Cheers i owe ya one.


Sunday, August 29, 2010


Saturday night in Belfast was more than a little frustrating the hole night was simply plagued by no-jobs what was worse it was plagued by no-jobs that didn't make much sense.

When you are going to pick up a fare who has been waiting awhile say 25minutes- half an hour you know there is a chance that they have already left especially when you are picking up from a pub or club around kicking out time at the weekend.

But tonight i was getting a no-job every other job and some of them where from regular punters  it was hard not to kick the toys out of the pram and go home and cry.

When i did get a job some punters where refusing to pay!
I was meant to be picking up a couple of girls from the Odyssey as they arrived at the car spide (Belfast version of a chav) was asking if i would take him to an area quite close to where my fare was heading.

Being nice, generous  and  really quite dumb they offered him a lift.
 i dropped the girls off first as they where getting out they payed the fare leaving spide with only about a mile  to go which would have cost £1

You would have thought he would be chuffed was he f**k, he started yelling at them saying as they offered him a lift it was up to them to pay for his fare home!!

Needless to say they told him where to go, he then tried to blackmail and threaten me saying that he had no money but he wasn't getting out of the car unless i took him home.

Well one of the few advantages of being over thirty stone is with all that momentum you can pull just about anything u like out of a car if you want to.
He was left sitting at the side of the road shouting abuse!!

Now to the incident that made me give up and go home.

I picked up at Bert's jazz bar on High St which has only been open a few weeks, there was four of them three fellas and a lady.

They came across as your upper class professional types and use words like Ya and Spiffing and other words that people who live in the really world dont!!

The fella sitting behind me was talking to his mates about what he had for dinner "I had Cassoulet ya it was spiffing but it does give me wind" he said and without further ado the bastard farted then started rolling about laughing like an imbecile.
 His two mates burst out giggling like bloody school girls and the lady in the front of the cab looked ever so embarrassed.

She didnt say anything most likely she was frighten that if she opened her mouth she would be sick,

i didnt know something so utterly god damn foul could eliminate form something that was still alive, to be honest i almost though the twat had crapped himself.

Well i had to listen to him and his buddys tee hee and titter all the way to Holywood anytime he passed wind.

His lady friend was left to pay when they got to there destination and she was very apologetic, i told her not to worry after all you couldn't expect anything else from an Arse like her boyfriend could you?

Taxi drivers sex Guide

Friday, August 27, 2010

And i though i talked crap....

I apologize for the swearing on this video but i thought i could talk crap before i found this!!

This is another Belfast taxi NOT ME, the spoofs I tell are at least kinda believable!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Fancy a drink? Na maybe not...

I managed to get a rare night out last week, afterwards i ended up back at a friends house waiting for my chubby hubby to collect me.

While we where waiting i was offered a drink!

Na maybe not im not thirsty all of a sudden!!

Mrs bt

Eeh where are we mate?

Many many moons ago when i was a new fresh faced chipper little taxi driver driving for good old city cab I was given a job picking up at the Hss Ferry.

Now this was lets say an unusual job for a Saturday night but back then you just ploughed on trying to get jobs done ASAP.

To be fair this may have been the cause of what was to transpire but like any self respecting cabby I don't think What happened was my fault, I mean how could it be it me being perfect and it was obviously there fault anyway.

So i arrived at the terminal which to my surprise was quite busy but i managed to find my fare pretty quickly.

There was 4 of them and they wasted no time bundling into the car and despite the fact they where a little tipsy seemed in very good form.

All right fellas where we heading to tonight? Just take us to the Glen rd will you pal came the reply.

So off i speed while my punters babbled on amongst themselves.

While driving up the Falls rd the boys in the back seemed to go a little quiet, but i could still hear the odd mutter from behind me anyway i was too busy nattering on to the bloke sitting beside me to worry.

Well we got the Glen rd pretty quickly and i had driven as far as the Glenowen bar just before the roundabout when i decided to find out where exactly they wanted dropped off.

"So where abouts you folks do you fellas want out then"? I asked

They all looked around  i guess to see where they where then looking slightly panicky they looked at each other.

The guy in the front seat was the first to speak"Em where abouts are we mate".

"The Glen rd that's right isnt it?" I asked

"You got the wrong one I think" came the reply

It was about now that i dawned on me that all these blokes where wearing blue! all these fellas where wearing bloody Rangers tops!!!

Oh shit I had just taken loyalist east Belfast rangers supporters into the heart of nationalist west Belfast.

They had meant to go to the Glen Rd in the Braniel, east Belfast not as i assumed thee Glen Rd in Andersons town, west Belfast.

After i calmed them down and convinced them i wasn't part of a IRA kidnap squad I drove them back to  there rightful part of town.

I ended up giving a very heavy discount on the fare because i went to the wrong destination and compensation  for the emotional distress (there was four of them remember and they where a bit pissed off i wasn't going to argue).

Needless to say i now make bloody sure i know for certain before exactly where there for before i move an inch.

Oh well peace out and all that!!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Drunks - The rules!!!

So comfy huh! 
I have a couple of rules about picking up drunks,  rules i arrived at by bitter experience.

1. If you cant walk to the cab by yourself i aint taken you anywhere.

2.Your so drunk that only you know what the hell you are saying you stay where you are.

These rules came from one of the worst experiences as a fledgling taxi driver.

Looking back i should have seen it coming and never have taken the fare in the first place, the the relief in the bouncers eyes that was the first warning sign that i missed but the fact that the door staff where paying the fare to get rid of this jerk should have sent alarm bells ringing!

With a bouncer under each arm Dicko (as i have named him) wobbled his way to my motor and was dumped in the front seat.

I knew from my data head he was heading to Killyleagh about 20 odd miles outside Belfast but asked him anyhow where he was for.

 "gi will owsh you wwhen ywe get thdere"   replyed Dicko

So against my better judgment off we went heading out into the back of beyond.

Not surprisingly Dicko fell asleep before we had gone a mile, at the time i thought it was a blessing as it saved me listening to him blather on incoherently.
Any way i figured i could wake him nearer to home and with any luck his nap would sober him up a little.

Thats not what happened!!

The first sign that got though my thick skull and made me think i had a problem was when Dicko tried to start cuddle me and snuggle his head onto my shoulder.

Now driving when someones trying to feel you up and drooling down your shoulder aint easy so needless to say i tried to revive him enough to get him back into his chair.

Dicko was obviously dreaming he was at home in bed  because he got awful upset that i keep pushing him off and kept mumbling.
"Sandra i jwust twant a wkee cuddle darrling".

If i wasn't freaked out enough at this point he started kicking the glove box and smacking the cab door.
I couldn't stand for that and pulled over just outside Ballygowen and rattled him about a bit to wake him.

After nearly getting punched for my efforts i got him fairly conscious, once he was roused it was clear he remembered nothing so i asked him to stay awake and on we headed.

We couldnt have got more than i dont know say 2 miles before he was out for the count again and shaking him got no response.

Just as we rounded a tight bend Dicko reached out grabbed my handbrake pulling it up as hard as he could almost sending the cab  in to a bloody wall and recking the handbrake.

This twat had just nearly killed me.

I almost exploded with rage i had him pinned to the passengers side window by the throat this was honestly the closest i have ever come to punching a customer.

After i calmed down i was faced with a choice continue on with this prick or dump him out.

The only reason i didnt dump him was we where in the backside of nowhere,he couldn't even stand and if i left him there was a good chance he would lie on the road and get hit by the next car to come a long.

The shock off  being grabbed by the throat sobered him up a fair amount, i still had trouble making out what he said but at least he was awake!!

When we eventually arrived in Killyleagh he going round in circles to find his house, when asked for directions all i kept getting was " hnext right" even when there was on f**kin right turn.

After about 15 minutes he did find his house this was then followed by 20 minutes of me telling him he was home, me telling him to get out, me telling him to get the f**k out of the car and finally me dragging his ass out of the car and plopping him down at this door.

As i set him down one of this neighbors came out asking if he was alright?
Jim Jim you know you dont live here now!
(Dicko turned out to be called Jim and had moved out of this house about 6 months ago.)

Where does he live now i asked?
Just round the corner dont worry i will sort him out he does this all the time!!

I was outta there like a shot.
Never again.
1. If you cant walk to the cab by yourself i aint taken you anywhere.

2.Your so drunk that only you know what the hell you are saying you stay where you are.


Replacement for the big wheel?

The Belfast wheel now removed from the side of the city hall i have had an idea.
As it will soon be the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic how about this at the for the kiddys?

Go on tell me you wouldn't want a go!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Trip to belfast zoo......... (being dragged up a mountain)

As i sit and do this blog my poor poor feet are still protesting now almost a day later.

Yesterday was the family trip to Belfast zoo and while it is a fantastic day out it also involves trekking halfway up a bloody mountain!!

Heres a few pics we took on the way round.
Prairie Dog
Zoo enterance

Young Lion


Alexander da Meerkat

Taxidriver Jr and Prairie dog

Penguin taken at under water window

Who knew you got Robins in August!!

Have a nice 1

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I hope they rot......

 Came across this story last night it made and mrsbelfasttaxi very angry.

They are simply a Taxi drivers worst nightmare.

Charlene Beal
Two drunken women who made false sexual allegations about a taxi driver have been sent to jail.

Charlene Beal, pictured above, became violent after she argued with Zubair Khan over the fare and then claimed he sexually assaulted her and exposed himself.

The 50-year-old cabbie was arrested and held in a police cell for several hours before police discovered he was innocent.

Jailing Beal, 27, for 19 months and her then partner Lisa McGuire, 26, for 11 months, a judge told them: "It was a wicked thing to do to accuse that man of what you accused him of.

"Lawyers acting for alleged victims of sex offences, he said, are entitled to say: "Read your newspapers, members of the jury, women make things up."

Recorder Cairns Nelson QC added: "You should hang your heads in shame."

Maidstone Crown Court heard Mr Khan had picked up Beal and McGuire in the early hours of February 19 at the River Tavern in Strood.

Neil Sandys, prosecuting, said Mr Khan, who was working for a Gillingham taxi firm, told the women the fare to Maidstone would be £30.

After Beal argued the fare should be £22.50, the cabbie asked for the cash up front.

Beal handed over £20 and said the rest would be paid when they arrived at their destination.

Mr Sandys said when they arrived in the town centre Beal and McGuire wanted to go further. Mr Khan said he would not take them anywhere until they had paid.

A struggle then ensued.

"Mr Khan was shocked and scared," said Mr Sandys. "From then on the incident escalated very quickly indeed."

About £750 worth of damage was caused to the dashboard, radio and meter equipment.

Mr Khan managed to get out of the cab but his mobile phone was thrown in the road. As he bent down to get it, he was pushed over. Beal kicked him in the legs.

She then made a 999 call in which she said Mr Khan had either attempted to rape her or sexually assault her.

Beal admitted perverting the course of justice and damaging property.

Beal also admitted assaulting Mr Khan and a public order offence.

Mary Jacobson, for McGuire, said her client played little part in the allegation of indecent exposure. “She was literally a back seat passenger,” she said.

“This was simply meant to be a fun night out which went dramatically wrong for all parties involved. She and Miss Beal were partners at the time. They have since moved on to new partners.”

Timothy Banks, for Beal, said his client knew there was no truth in her allegations against Mr Khan and that he was entirely innocent.

“She was struggling with alcohol addiction,” he said. “It is a disgraceful incident.”

Beal worked as a school dinner lady but it came to an end when checks were made and her criminal record was discovered.

“She knows what she has done was close to wicked,” added Mr Banks.

Cabbie Zubair Khan said afterwards he was pleased with the sentence but would have liked to have seen the two women get at least two years jail.

"I think as they have admitted what they did the sentence is OK. If they had been given two years it would have been better."

The ordeal of poor Mr khan aside these two women are an absolute disgrace and do  great disservice to any poor woman who have been victim of sexual assault .

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Health and safety

What can i possibly say about this!!
Health and safety gone nuts!


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Racist Taxi Driver

I was over  at Manuel's blog the well done fillet. for some light reading before shuffling up the wooden hill to hit the sack
The post was about how he had foot and mouth moment by accidentally making a remark that taken the wrong way could be i wee bit racist.
It was a funny post but Manuel has my sympathy because well been there done that.

It was coming up to Christmas oh about 5 maybe 6 years ago, back then i was working for different  depot than the one i work for now.

It was coming up on the end of my shift when a bearded middle aged fellow asked could i take him up the Antrim Rd to Sommerton Rd.

Being christmas i had made a disc of parody Xmas songs to keep me and my punters amused and this was playing away in the background.

It had all my Christmas favourites from Frosty the pervert to Mr hanky the Christmas poo to the classic that is Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

Well the pleasant bearded fella chatted away for most of the journey making the usual small talk about what was i doing over Christmas and the new year.

As we approached the top of the Summerton Rd all of a sudden he wasn't so pleasant any more all chat stopped and i swear he looked slightly pale. 

As i didn't know what number on Summerton Rd i was for i asked where abouts he would like to be dropped off.

At the synagogue please he replied, in that instant i understood why he had went quiet because for the last mile my radio was singing "Its hard to a Jew at Christmas".

I nearly died there are only about 200 Jew's in the whole of Northern Ireland and i had managed to upset one of them.

My punter paid his fare and was out of the car so quickly i never got the chance to apologise and to this day i still feel a little guilty  


Monday, August 16, 2010

Dear Penis.................

Sorry guys i had to post this (i know its childish), it was sent to me yesterday on facebook and brightened up a bit of a miserable day.

So because its Monday i thought it might help with that back to work feeling!!

Saturday, August 14, 2010


Belsonic is a series of concerts that take place in  the historic Custom house square, Belfast every year. 

Over the last few years  The flaming lips, Oppenheimer, The Enemy, The Zutons,Reverend and the makers, Dizzee Rascal and 2 many DJs have all headlined.

This is the first year it has taken place over two weeks.

Here's whos on this year.



Have a good weekend folks.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Pet peeve....

Every job i have ever done since leaving school has had its little annoyances.

 Should it be having to work late when working as security because the person who was meant to relieve you is running late or not coming in.
It was other people borrowing my tools without asking during the many years i worked as an electrical engineer.

None of those however bugged me as much as my current taxi drivers pet peeve!!

Folks who argue over who's paying the fare!!

Now its not what you think i could understand if they where bickering over wanting the other person to pay or pay there fair share, 
I could even understand trying to talk your way out of having to pay.

But nope its none of these its punters who shout and yell that they should be the one's allowed to pay.
Usually this happens when 2 couples are sharing a cab home, it never seems to happen when its just a group of fella's.

I cant help but feeling its just another way of showing off simply because of the big show so many of them make of trying to be the one who pays.
Its not unknown to have punters shouting at me not to take money from the passenger. 
(I have even had money just thrown at me which is bloody rude plus coins really fuckin hurt)  

If anyone really wanted to be the one who pays its not that hard to have a quiet word with me beforehand or if they are the first to be left home to hand to driver a little extra money to cover the rest of the journey discretely without causing a scene.

The strange things is you see, that while both of them are desperate to pay you in front of each other they go nuts if tell them you will be happy to let both off them pay full fare. lol

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Daddy vs Chips


Myself and the family sat down to watch an old video cassette. 
 yesterday afternoon.

The advertisement above was on it ,one of the wife's favourites
Mrsbelfasttaxi laughed her pretty little head off she always though it was funny, but had forgotten all about it!

I don't know why decided to toy with the emotions off our only son for her callous amusement.

But she asked him the one question all children everywhere dread.

Daddy or Chips?
God love him he didn't know where to look
, A look i can only describe as panic flashed across this poor little face,  I could almost hear him silently wish that she had just give him a weeks grounding with extra homework!!

But after a few seconds calm returned to his complexion, he turned to his mum looked her straight in the eye and give an answer that will go with me to my grave.

Are we talking oven chips or chippy shop chips?

The Little git.

Mrsbelfasttaxi near wet herself , humpff well i am glad someone found it funny!!


Sunday, August 08, 2010

Weirdo's, freaks and assholes!!

What an odd night Friday was.

Most of the punters that you pick up while taxiing are you normal, average everyday folk who's only interest in me is that i get them from a to be in fair amount of comfort for a not too extortionate price.

But once every so often like in life you get an weirdo or idiot  and you deal with it and get on with life!

Well last night not one of my punters where odd, most of my punters where weirdo's freaks ,perverts and assholes.

Quite frankly i am not sure where to begin there where so many.

There was the Hyper Polish fella trying to put on an English accent ranting about how Werther's Original sweets where the greatest achievement of mankind while trying to give packets of cashew nuts to anyone within 5 yards of the car.
He was closely followed by an absolute troll, this gay gent and i use the word gent in its loosest sense.
All the way through his journey home he bitched and complained that one of the young barmen at the hotel i collected him from had turned down his offer of sexual favours.
In this own words "What the fucks wrong with him, at his age you would think he would jump at the chance of a blowjob from a gay man, he 's probably never finished wanking".
 The scary thing is he was offended that the barman dared to turn him down,i spent the rest of the trip being told how much he loved sex while doing my best to get to his destination quickly.

I have never ever in the last 5 years of doing this job ever heard or seen any of the gay community here in Northern Ireland  behave like this, but i suppose every group of people is bound to have a few assholes!!

The next punter i had to deal with was lovely but she was interested in my life story and of course telling me hers, it not that uncommon this happens sometimes although its more common with lady's out on a hen night for some reason?
The trouble is getting them out of the car at the end of the trip while not making it look like you just want them to sod off.
I know it sounds harsh but i go to work like everyone else to make money and you cant do that if your stuck trying to get someone out of the car, thankfully i was sent another job out over the radio so i was able to escape.
Later i had to deal with little girl (aged  30 i would guess some people never grow up)who though she would have fun trying to embarrass me in front of her friends by say how gorgeous i was and touching my arms and face.  
It doesn't work and i end up having to put her in her place.
 it annoys me having to be cruel and nasty to knock folks who get on like this down a peg because they end up looking the fool in front of whoever they where trying to empress, i always feel like a right shit afterwards!
My last job of the night was a woman who had been caught cheating on her boyfriend by my customer, I ended up taking her home having to listen to her sob in the back seat all the way there. 
I hate being caught in the crossfire of things like this so i kept my mouth shut.

So that was Friday night i dread to think what Saturday will bring.


Friday, August 06, 2010

Hitler taken into custody!!!

US court denies parents custody of Hitler and sisters

Heath Campbell (left) with his wife, Deborah, and son, Adolf Hitler Campbell
Mr Campbell has said he believes the children were taken into care because of their names

A US appeals court has ruled a couple who gave their children Nazi-inspired names should not regain custody, citing the risk of serious injury to them.

Adolf Hitler Campbell, 4, and his sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, 3, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie, 2, were taken from their New Jersey home in 2009.

The case first came to public attention in December 2008 after a shop refused to decorate a birthday cake for Adolf.

A family court had earlier found there was insufficient evidence of abuse.

But on Thursday, the appeals panel determined that social workers had proved the need for protective services for the three children.

The panel found that the parents, who both suffer from unspecified physical and psychological disabilities, had "recklessly created a risk of serious injury to their children by failing to protect the children from harm and failing to acknowledge and treat their disabilities".

The judges also noted that Deborah Campbell had recently passed a letter to a neighbour saying her husband had threatened "to have me killed or kill me himself".

The children's father, Heath Campbell, told the Associated Press last year that he believed they were taken into foster care because of their names.

He also alleged that the authorities had relied on unproven accusations made by a neighbour and his ex-wife.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Give me a little advice?

I have a dilemma dear readers.

I really don't know what to do i am having to decide whither to stay with the taxi depot i currently work with or move to another!!

My lifts with my present firm have dropped steadily if slowly for the last 2 years more or less to the point that i now only lift about 60% of what i used too.
Now i know times are hard out there and taxi drivers are being hit hard because well lets face it taxi's are a bit of a luxury for most folks

I don't think that working with another (smaller) firm that i would lift more money to be honest i am likely to lift similar money, but my expenses would be some what reduced and working restrictions would be a bit laxer.

There is of course a draw back the work i would get would not be as "clean" by this i mean my punters would tend to cause trouble or run off without paying.

There is also the problem of wanging on, 

Yes wanging is a word!!!

Wanging is when depot staff normally radio operators make sure the favoured driver gets the better paying work, some smaller depots are rife with this and while most drivers can spot it that its happening  proving it is always a problem.

Driving for one of the two main depots in Belfast  has quite a few draw backs too many to mention here but they do provide a measure of security, access to back up cabs if your own is broken, steady if not well payed contract work.

I really don't know what too do for the best,

So any advice you have i am willing to listen just post a comment i always read em,
 I am also going to post a should i stay or should i go poll please feel free to vote.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Monk and Nina Conti

I had not seen Nina or monk for years when i came across this when i came across this.
What can i say i have a very Childish sense of humour!!!! 

Monday, August 02, 2010

Belfast Gay Pride 2010


 Last weekend in Belfast was Gay pride i didn't see any of it myself which was quite unusual as we tend to get quite a bit of work out of this event.

One of the more memorable jobs  i got from pride was about 3 -4 years ago, so there was a  fella who had decided that he didn't like his hotel room so he was going home and lady who was with him.
(but not with him if ya know what i mean nudge nudge wink wink)

Well the job was a worth while one picking up at the Kremlin (the main gay club in Belfast) going to Dublin.

The problems started shortly after he got in the motor  as he pretty much insisted on listening to possibly the worst dance music i have ever heard on the radio also as  i have said before ain't the best with accents so that coupled with the fact he was very slightly drunk and as camp as a row of pink tents i had no chance of understanding him.

Thankfully his lady friend was able to translate but to be fair the poor fella  I'm pretty sure thought i was acting the prat and was ready for hitting me a slap after about 20 minutes.

 Passing Dundalk  he drifted off to sleep for a few minutes which was a bit relief and i was able to find out  the reason he was going to pay for a £125 fair back to Dublin and forfeit the money he payed out on accommodation was?


I mean what the f**k, paying i suppose £200 all in because you didn't want to stay in room with unattractive window dressings unreal.

So about 2 hours later we arrived in Dublin where he tried paying me in Euro's instead of Pounds sterling , his fellow passenger was very embarrassed by this so intervened and we where able to work out a exchange rate for the fare.

Euros where only worth about 69p at the time so his £125 fare became 180 Euros.

This is also the only time i have ever been paid in Euros.

Anyhoo too those who went to Belfast pride 2010 hopefully you all had a good time

(text in pink for Gay pride)

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