Arse...................

Saturday night in Belfast was more than a little frustrating the hole night was simply plagued by no-jobs what was worse it was plagued by no-jobs that didn't make much sense.

When you are going to pick up a fare who has been waiting awhile say 25minutes- half an hour you know there is a chance that they have already left especially when you are picking up from a pub or club around kicking out time at the weekend.

But tonight i was getting a no-job every other job and some of them where from regular punters  it was hard not to kick the toys out of the pram and go home and cry.

When i did get a job some punters where refusing to pay!

I was meant to be picking up a couple of girls from the Odyssey as they arrived at the car spide (Belfast version of a chav) was asking if i would take him to an area quite close to where my fare was heading.

Being nice, generous  and  really quite dumb they offered him a lift.

 i dropped the girls off first as they where getting out they payed the fare leaving spide with only about a mile  to go which would have cost £1

You would have thought he would be chuffed was he f**k, he started yelling at them saying as they offered him a lift it was up to them to pay for his fare home!!

Needless to say they told him where to go, he then tried to blackmail and threaten me saying that he had no money but he wasn't getting out of the car unless i took him home.

Well one of the few advantages of being over thirty stone is with all that momentum you can pull just about anything u like out of a car if you want to.

He was left sitting at the side of the road shouting abuse!!

Now to the incident that made me give up and go home.

I picked up at Bert's jazz bar on High St which has only been open a few weeks, there was four of them three fellas and a lady.

They came across as your upper class professional types and use words like Ya and Spiffing and other words that people who live in the really world dont!!

The fella sitting behind me was talking to his mates about what he had for dinner "I had Cassoulet ya it was spiffing but it does give me wind" he said and without further ado the bastard farted then started rolling about laughing like an imbecile.

 His two mates burst out giggling like bloody school girls and the lady in the front of the cab looked ever so embarrassed.

She didnt say anything most likely she was frighten that if she opened her mouth she would be sick,

i didnt know something so utterly god damn foul could eliminate form something that was still alive, to be honest i almost though the twat had crapped himself.

Well i had to listen to him and his buddys tee hee and titter all the way to Holywood anytime he passed wind.

His lady friend was left to pay when they got to there destination and she was very apologetic, i told her not to worry after all you couldn't expect anything else from an Arse like her boyfriend could you?

btd