I normally don't bother working Mondays simply because they are dire and i spend most of my time sitting around the usual taxi haunts staring at other taxi drivers.
And lets be honest they ain't exactly a good looking bunch.
I had all sorts of punters ranging from late night shoppers doing the weekly grocery shop at 2.30am to clubbers out enjoying the pubs and clubs.
There is one couple i wanted to tell you about, well one half of the couple anyhow.
I think it was about half past three in the morning when i picked them up at the 24 hour Subway on Dublin Rd.
They where heading up to Four winds on the outskirts of Belfast, these two punters behaved like your typical drunken teenagers (which they where) ignoring me and concentrating on a combination of drunken mumbles coupled with bouts of trying to get as much of the other ones face inside their mouths as possible.
It was a pretty clear run despite the snow and ice so we arrived at the girls address in next to no time.
The fella in the back obviously thought this was his stop as well and was shall we say last than pleased when he found out he was going home where he liked it or not.
After what i am sure was ether pleading or begging I'm not quite sure which he accepted his fate and slumped back in to the car and ordered me to take him to Carryduff.
Now like i said these folks had a wee bit too much drink taken and now he was missing a distraction Mr lonely in the back was starting to feel a little motion sickness.
I had only managed to get a few miles up the road when i heard an all to familiar sound.
Oh crap he was retching and waving for me to pull over.
Now i pulled over as quick as i can but it takes a few seconds.
Behind me a i hear the horrid sound of rancid kebab and too many wkd's funneling out of his gob.
Finally he got out of the cab and empties his guts at the side of the road.
While he is doing this i get out to look in the back see the extent of the damage as i need to know if this is the end of my night or where i can clean things up and work on.
So i open the rear doors turn the lights on in the back of the cab and i cant believe what i see on the seats and floor of the cab.
Nothing they are all lovely and clean not a damp patch on them anywhere.
But now i am confused Lonely humpy dude spewed for a good 10 seconds before he got out so where the hell was it?
Oh hell no i thought not in the pocket on the back of the drivers seat!!
But no it was empty as well.
So lonely dude wanders back over and tells me he is close enough and will walk the rest, he pays his fare and starts to dander on home.
But i need to know where the hell did he puke?
So i shouted after him "fella when you where sick what happened, where did it go"?
He pointed to his arm.
It turned out when he puked he had spewed down the sleeve of his coat from the wrist end so that it didn't make a mess!!
I am still not sure whether to be impressed or discussed?
But at least he kept the cab clean.